Dilemma
Category: Short Stories
I’ve been watching all these films last few weeks. Some of them were rubbish, boring; but many of them were emotional and touching. I’m not sure why I’m getting so emotional last two years when it comes to films, life, friends…
All these films had one thing in common and to be completely honest I was searching from them, I picked them and watched them. I’m lying to myself when it comes to reasons why I’m watching them. I’m trying to say to myself that it’s “just” a film and nothing else. However I know what the truth is: I’m looking for answers, for guidance.
But we all know life is different to movies. But what if? What if we can adjust the story to our life and our reality? What if any of those stories equals to mine?
I never cared about it, I didn’t think about it. I lived my life as it is. Happy and single! Or did I just simply close my eyes from what it actually was? Blocked it all out? It wouldn’t be the first thing I blocked out in my life. Why wait 26 years? Well I did… it took me so long to simply acknowledge it. I did that’s the main thing, but it all only opened a whole new “secret” chapter in my life. I always lived few different lifes and I’m always saying that all of us have more then one life. It’s simple; as soon as we are with a different group of people we’re creating a new life, which enables us to be different, if we choose to be different. You won’t change your core character, but you might change some of the behavior. I made a decision… not to tell anybody around me – I have my reasons, some of them important some not.
But you’ve been in my life for a short time at the time, and it wasn’t really such a big deal at the start. But I’m just tired of hiding it. I want to share this with you. I’m sick of it, I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I love you, very much as much as a best friend can. When that day comes you might hate me, you might want to avoid me, you might not speak to me anymore. I’m scared, petrified and feeling sick as soon as I think of saying that out loud. Will my world collapse? How much harder is it going to be? It’s hard enough already...